To Be or Not to Be

I was going to write about how my hubby and I are perfect US citizens. Then I was going to write about how our lawn is like a spoiled child. Then I was going to write about the American consciousness and PILLS. But, I had a conversation with my sister and decided to save those for another day. She said something so interesting. She said, "Isn't it like Dad never existed?"
She said that because it's been 46 years since he died. He was 44 and we were teenagers and he died one month after the Kennedy assassination. It was such a tumultuous, traumatic time in our lives. I knew what she meant, and it brought up so many psychological issues, I thought I would explore the concept of existing.
It's like a magician's trick. It's here and then it's gone. Was it really here at all? But our father did exist and his memory, as bittersweet as that is, will have to do. We only have photographs and a few badly filmed old family movies without the sound. I actually don't remember the sound of his voice. I cannot conjure it up, maybe if I try really hard, I can pretend I hear it. I know he spoke very loudly. The Napoleon complex, or so I think, since he was about 5 foot 3 inches, he used his voice as his strength. I can visualize him in many ways, in many places, in many moods. So, he exists, but surely not in this physical realm.
I told my sister that my husband and I feel the same way about our sonny boy. He has grown into a man, and that cute little boy that we spent our every waking moment doing for, thinking of, or being with, is gone. How can that be? All the energy we poured into his growing up has evaporated. He did grow up with a great attitude, a funny sense of humor, a kind heart, a good work ethic, so we did our job, but we're still at the phase of empty nesting that makes us miss that little boy.
He did exist and has just done what all humankind does, grows up.
I guess my father did exist and has done what all humankind does, dies.
If we dwell on his loss, it's the negative use of our brain power. We can dwell on his memory of life and create a much better thought pattern. That's better, I feel better. Existence, love it or leave it.